“Why a man does that?” or “Why she did this?” are the regular questions I ask myself. Who doesn’t want to know the reasons behind some complex behavioral patterns we encounter in the every day life, but this curiosity is little more within me, I should admit. So, this made me look around with all my antennas open to perceive all kinds of behaviors, all types of odd responses, in fact, to feel, analyze and understand everything that pertains to a human brain. I have captured many conversations, interactions, relationships, first-hand-experiences, third-party-accountings and what not, I was all ears and eyes to grab an opportunity to scan a human brain. I could say, I have a sufficiently large database to feature this article, where in I really want to focus on human relations and the subsequent limitations one has in making / breaking them. I don’t want to touch up the biological subtleties that cause a half-kilo-mind to control a hundred-kilo-body, but rather, I would like to focus on the social factors and other relevancies that permeate the human-decision-making-process and thereby largely decide the eternal output that is called a ‘relation’.
The way we interact with the external world; ‘what’ we think before taking a decision; ‘where’ we arrive at, in the end; how we ‘expect’ things to happen; how they ‘really’ happen; are all dependent on how knowledgeable we are of ourselves, of the surroundings, of the other person, the ‘situational’ backgrounds, motives and mutual commitments, capabilities and disabilities, and finally….. ‘necessities’. While there are innumerable examples of sacrifice & selflessness in the human history that are just inexplicable, I would like to stress upon the elementary tool kit that a common man requires to solve his day-to-day-difficulties in handling relationships, whether personal or professional, and then keep him in a win-win situation, at the end of the day.
I want to precipitate all this in a few, simple words, or we can say ‘rules’. So…….
Rule-1: Understand what a ‘bond’ is:
I am using this word ‘bond’ as a ‘synonym’ to the ‘relation’ as above. Men tend to make bonds with many living and non-living things in their life to go on with their daily routine. From a mere coffee-and-news-paper-in-the-morning to an uncontrollable-itch-to-see-the-secretary 😉 (leave alone the marriage and its related commitments), far many ‘bonds’ give us comfort, happiness, sorrow, anger, frustration etc, in life. What is generally missed out is that we ‘make’ those bonds ourselves, and ‘WE’ make those bonds. So, if you know that you are entering into a ‘bond’ or if you are aware of the particular ‘feeling’ that bond gives you, means you are half-way to master that specific ‘bond’. You need not separately study what ‘Emotional Intelligence’ is, because what we undergo in our day-to-day life and what we learn thereby, is all the ‘EI’ they speak about. So, I stress upon knowing all your bonds, why you made them, what you expect from, what you are actually given, how you feel about it etc., This only gives an understanding of what consists the ‘self’ and hence this knowledge is very vital in getting a command over one’s own self, if not on the environment, to steer one’s life to the first ‘win’ in the ‘win-win’.
Rule-2: Understand its ‘boundaries’:
Bonds are not always tangible for sure. And they have limitations too. What all you give is not taken; what all you desire is not given; you admire ‘aishwarya rai’ but not vice versa; you thought it would happen but it didn’t; had it been otherwise you would have made it; without my wife I can’t live(R U sure?) etc., are all the common statements we do, but the striking point in all these … is the missing link that says the particular bond is having a ‘boundary’. And you are not able to cross it. Right? If you love your pet, it won’t be there till your death; if you need an appraisal, the boss won’t simply jump and give it; if you show lots of love for the neighborhood girl, she won’t generally reciprocate; Are they? So, what am I talking about is the point at which the intensity of a bond crosses the common fence and grows in only one direction, which could probably result in an unwanted and undesired end. Many of us have already experienced this. Most of us know our SWOT analyses. But we don’t generally conform to the fact that we couldn’t cross certain boundaries. As a matter of fact, we could never cross them and reach the other side, but we simply keep trying for it, without knowing and understanding the unhappy end. Perhaps, happiness is not always getting what you want, but subtly, it is giving what you are asked for. So, I stress upon understanding the boundaries of the bonds you make, so that you won’t over-expect, so that you won’t under-estimate, so that you arrive at the second ‘win’ in the ‘win-win’.