You never realize this is the most haunted question, generation over generation, right from the beginning of what is now called a society. Everyone posed this question to oneself sub-consciously or otherwise and almost everyone started chasing money :p
And so for the last few days(or months! or years!!), this question has been hunting me too. It feels so bad and sad if you can’t figure out an answer immediately, the pain only increases ten-fold with every day that passes unanswered. Read on..
Do I need Money? more money? hell lot of money?
I am sure this is not the answer I am looking for, rather because I have seen no one so far who was content with a certain amount of it… rather because I have started my real life from the rubble of a family tragedy n what is called pennilessness and so I knew what little difference money can make to the basic thread of life… or rather because I understood myself that what I bought with money never actually had left a feeling of pleasure that lasted more than few minutes or days… phew.. or rather because I am vexed with people wickedly vying for money without understanding what lies beyond riches… or I don’t know why, but i just know that. Its all.
Do I need a Career? good career? successful career?
I know its a tricky word. If you try to define ‘career’ and start chasing your definition, then you are a fool. ‘Career’ is not a routine and its not an occupation. I don’t chase this word. Because I believe ‘career’ is not something external to the human mind. Its a way of life. If you like what you are doing, and as long as you are able to contribute, able to learn, mould yourself and blend into the given surroundings with an optimal output…..you can forget this word. And as for me, I am doing this for many, many years by now. Its just how much I give out. And, I will be around a place where I constantly give out. May be I should/will write something elaborate on this in a different thread, but for now, kindly don’t confuse my opinion with your definitions or assumptions or readings-in-between-lines. This is not my answer, though.
Do I want Success? grand success? awesome achievements?
um.. what crap. As long as a success compares me with another person or another success I don’t need one such thing. What I believe a real success is that something truly complements your inner-self, drags out the ‘human’ within you and exhibits your ‘genius’ to the external world. But then, a failure too is as equally important, to make you learn, to prevent a bloody success from blinding you to the invaluable lessons of human life, rather your own life. If success is a crown, failure is a teacher. Both of them are essential, rather as a bundle, and when I already have plenty of them filling my every day.. literally every day, then what would I chase in the long run? … This is not my answer.
What I think that can come, somewhat close to the answer is ‘higher education’. Perhaps.. because I believe my output will be optimized by it, because I remember my quest was intense last time when I was in a University doing my PG. I know I don’t have the privilege to go for higher studies now. Sometimes, for someone, its a privilege but not energy or enthusiasm to establish something phenomenal. I lost couple of opportunities recently to work & study simultaneously, but unless a superlative divine hand starts supporting me again, I may not be able to juggle them both. lets c but this is still not an answer.
😀 😀 😀 .. LOL.. what a comforting option? well, i think this is something I am very serious about. Again, the source is the belief that my output will be optimized. And I will have better chances of education too (inevitably of course, while working). But, in the middle of a ‘global village’, amidst off-shoring tsunamis and herds of people draining intelligence out of the country mostly for the sake of money, an opportunity abroad would only look a near impossibility to me, however humble my intentions are.. 😦 um, you feel this is not an answer.. right? OK! Forget what I feel.
huh, so what the heck do you want man?
Frustrated and in pain, I asked this question to my wife. She quickly replied:
“an own house, two nice kids, steady income, if possible a good car and a comfortable retirement plan are only necessary, as bare minimum.. what else?”
Does it sound answering my question? yes? why? Is it because its a happy, cozy life for a human to spend the tiny 5 to 7 decades as such, given the above? huh! man.. grow up! Almost all dogs on the street, every cockroach and rodent in the drain, and all the donkeys in the ElectronicCity/Hi-TechCity etc have this so-called ‘happy, cozy’ life.. but what difference their very own existence does make to this vast, vast universe, at least to their own space? nothing.. except contributing to the mere chain of animal survival and more CO2 to the cities they live in. They are not happy either and moreover, they did/could NOT ask this question consciously to themselves 😉
The immediate, expected counter argument:
she: “scores of people don’t have these ‘luxuries’ and we should be trying for that.. and then feel lucky if we achieve them”
me: “O yes! Just because I don’t yet have a ‘luxury’ right now, it doesn’t mean it is the goal of my life. I am talking about something grossly more than a single individual life or a family..”
she: “your question is ‘what I want’.. NOT ‘what great things I want to do to the society & universe’… “
me: “eeeek… ”
so, thats how I lost another battle but I am still trying to figure it all out. pl help me find an answer… seriously.