What do I want?

You never realize this is the most haunted question, generation over generation, right from the beginning of what is now called a society. Everyone posed this question to oneself sub-consciously or otherwise and almost everyone started chasing money :p

And so for the last few days(or months! or years!!),  this question has been hunting me too.  It feels so bad and sad if you can’t figure out an answer immediately, the pain only increases ten-fold with every day that passes unanswered.  Read on..

What do I want?

In deep thought.. valleys, waterfalls & silence only enhance the experience but an answer is still evasive :-/

Do I need Money? more money? hell lot of money?

I am sure this is not the answer I am looking for, rather because I have seen no one so far who was content with a certain amount of it… rather because I have started my real life from the rubble of a family tragedy n what is called pennilessness and so I knew what little difference money can make to the basic thread of life… or rather because I understood myself that what I bought with money never actually had left a feeling of pleasure that lasted more than few minutes or days… phew.. or rather because I am vexed with people wickedly vying for money without understanding what lies beyond riches… or I don’t know why, but i just know that. Its all.

Do I need a Career? good career? successful career?

I know its a tricky word.  If you try to define ‘career’ and start chasing your definition, then you are a fool. ‘Career’ is not a routine and its not an occupation.  I don’t chase this word. Because I believe ‘career’ is not something external to the human mind.  Its a way of life.  If you like what you are doing,  and as long as you are able to contribute,  able to learn, mould yourself and blend into the given surroundings with an optimal output…..you can forget this word. And as for me, I am doing this for many, many years by now. Its just how much I give out. And, I will be around a place where I constantly give out.  May be I should/will write something elaborate on this in a different thread, but for now, kindly don’t confuse my opinion with your definitions or assumptions or readings-in-between-lines. This is not my answer, though.

Do I want Success? grand success? awesome achievements?

um.. what crap.  As long as a success compares me with another person or another success I don’t need one such thing.  What I believe a real success is that something truly complements your inner-self, drags out the ‘human’ within you and exhibits your ‘genius’ to the external world.  But then, a failure too is as equally important, to make you learn, to prevent a bloody success from blinding you to the invaluable lessons of human life, rather your own life.  If success is a crown,  failure is a teacher.  Both of them are essential, rather as a bundle, and when I already have plenty of them filling my every day.. literally every day, then what would I chase in the long run?  … This is not my answer.

Higher Education?

What I think that can come, somewhat close to the answer is ‘higher education’. Perhaps.. because I believe my output will be optimized by it, because I remember my quest was intense last time when I was in a University doing my PG.  I know I don’t have the privilege to go for higher studies now. Sometimes, for someone, its a privilege but not energy or enthusiasm to establish something phenomenal. I lost couple of opportunities recently to work & study simultaneously, but unless a superlative divine hand starts supporting me again, I may not be able to juggle them both.  lets c but this is still not an answer.

Working abroad?

😀 😀 😀 .. LOL.. what a comforting option? well, i think this is something I am very serious about.  Again, the source is the belief that my output will be optimized. And I will have better chances of education too (inevitably of course, while working).  But, in the middle of a ‘global village’, amidst off-shoring tsunamis and herds of people draining intelligence out of the country mostly for the sake of money, an opportunity abroad would only look a near impossibility to me, however humble my intentions are.. 😦  um, you feel this is not an answer.. right? OK! Forget what I feel.

huh, so what the heck do you want man?

Frustrated and in pain, I asked this question to my wife.  She quickly replied:

“an own house, two nice kids, steady income, if possible a good car and a comfortable retirement plan are only necessary, as bare minimum.. what else?”

Does it sound answering my question? yes? why? Is it because its a happy, cozy life for a human to spend the tiny 5 to 7 decades as such, given the above? huh! man.. grow up!  Almost all dogs on the street, every cockroach and rodent in the drain, and all the donkeys in the ElectronicCity/Hi-TechCity etc have this so-called ‘happy, cozy’ life.. but what difference their very own existence does make to this vast, vast universe, at least to their own space?  nothing.. except contributing to the mere chain of animal survival and more CO2 to the cities they live in.  They are not happy either and moreover, they did/could NOT ask this question consciously to themselves 😉

The immediate, expected counter argument:

she: “scores of people don’t have these ‘luxuries’ and we should be trying for that.. and then feel lucky if we achieve them”

me: “O yes! Just because I don’t yet have a ‘luxury’ right now,  it doesn’t mean it is the goal of my life. I am talking about something grossly more than a single individual life or a family..”

she: “your question is ‘what I want’.. NOT ‘what great things I want to do to the society & universe’… “

me: “eeeek… ”

so, thats how I lost another battle  but I am still trying to figure it all out. pl help me find an answer… seriously.

Categories: emotions, mind, philosophy, world | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “What do I want?

    Posted on June 11, 2010 by ram0singhal
    Whether we are Atheist or Theist,
    whether woman or man,
    whether searcher or seeker,
    whether teacher or student,
    whether rich or poor,
    whether child or old,
    whether workingor retireing and
    whether knowledgeable or ignorant,…….
    we all have a deep thirst
    for a kind of happiness
    we feel we know but some how
    we have not been able
    to hold it permanently except we.
    have short glimpses
    on certain occasions………………..
    This happiness is equally desired
    and searched by
    all categories of human being
    irrespective what
    one is and where one is ?
    Without proper identification and
    marking and clues
    about destination these journeys
    are taken
    on various known and unknown paths
    periphery and also towards the
    center which has
    a mystic origin .
    Most of the travellers even after travelling
    for long
    years alone or with one to multiple groups
    normally do not experience
    that happiness
    even after several experiments
    and at last abandon the journey,
    empty handed although
    luggage and baggage are substantial.
    What kind of happiness,
    is it that we aspires for ?
    what is that desire , that beauty,
    that we aspire for ?
    which is that look we seek
    to be bestowed
    with ?
    Eternity is dancing on eternity like football.
    it is the leather that is in between,
    in the same manner nature is in between ,
    when we try to ponder how the cosmos
    was created , for that
    we can learn fundamentals
    from the process of procreation in human race
    also as entire cosmos is governed by a common
    If we understand the cycle of procreation
    in human race , we will be able to
    understand the
    procreation of cosmos.
    a man energies the millions of sperms
    which is big bang in mini scale
    represents time ,like electron in atom,
    into woman’s space which
    is like black hole ;like proton
    in atom
    connected to neutron which is like dark matter in
    neucleus .
    .Each sperm journey to meet egg to fertilise is
    journey of creation and destruction.the
    similar way the cosmic intelligence energies
    billons of cosmos in the hope one will become
    living planet earth.
    earth is hope of cosmic intelligence.
    The children reminds us our childhood and
    every man and woman wishes to know his or her
    origin .
    .It is the desire of seeing one’ s own
    image and for that we need a mirror.
    Children are our mirror , in their childhood we
    mirror ourselves as we donot remember our
    childhood so is the cosmic intelligence.
    Mirror is the unison of two opposites ,
    transparent glass and non transparent
    silver, the non attributive consciousness
    and the attributive body,both of them
    unite to form the mirror. this is a rule
    and rule applies to all. truth is for
    everyone and we will be able to realize
    this as simple as snapping our fingers.
    Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged wisdom, spirituality, science, enlightenment, Philosophy, religion, love, happiness, god | Leave a comment | Edit

  2. rama


  3. Anand

    Well…first of all i appreciate for this nice content.
    Let me try to add on the statement ‘what great things I want to do to the society & universe’ –
    i would say – very simple, do whatever by NOT expecting in return. Just move untill the success.

    It reminded me the quote from the book Alchemist – ‘if you really want to do something, the entire universe will support in accomplishing your desire’

  4. rajesh narni

    What makes one happy? Is happiness all we want? But do we know what’s happiness? Is it just a state of ‘a’ mind? If so, can we make ourselves happy by thinking that we are happy? How do we know whether we are thinking that we are happy or we are really happy? Can we cheat ourselves forever to happiness? Is there any test to know if we are happy?

    Should we put an end to this routine life and take a completely a different route? Should we stop pleasing our senses? OR should we play safe? After all, we only have one life.. Or do we?

    Doubts… Doubts… Doubts…

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